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Tough week. Probably the toughest week of the season; and one of the toughest weeks since I started training triathlon. I was not able to start de week because fever, headache and stomachache and by the end of the week I had to train under the effects of Ibuprofen because I was not feeling good either. Also, many doubts have raised and I am not finding the support that I need.
This week I did not start training on Tuesday because I was too sick to get off bed. I could barely go from the bed to the bathroom so no story to tell about it.
For some unknown reason when I planned the week I had moved the second toughest day of training to Wednesday. Well the reason is that I copied week 30 and I remember I was going to be very busy and I was not going to be able to fit everything in on Tuesday or at least that is what I thought at that time. So I started in the morning with a swim that was slightly shorter than planned but it was ok, I had been many days without swimming. Then I went to work and after that I had more than 2h on the trainer and a 1h run with hills. I just couldn’t have had a better way to come back to training with two very hard sessions. Even though I should’ve rescheduled the session to a lighter one I went ahead with it, very tough training.
On Thursday I thought on rescheduling again to put some bike into it but no changes were made. I had an easy short swim in the morning focused on technique. In the afternoon I had a 105mins run. It was very hard to run, my legs were very heavy and stiff. Luckily for me even though my stomach was not feeling good, it did not give me many problems on a complicated session like that one. Doubts started to rise here, because I had a very hard time picking up speed and I ended up being tired. Also I was having a harsh time eating. I knew I had to eat and I was doing my best but it was very hard.
Friday was even tougher my legs felt even stiffer in the morning. I felt like I could not use my legs to swim and that they were actually make me sink. Then I went to work and in the afternoon I had a fairly long but easy bike ride to loosen up. My stomach was not feeling too good.
By Saturday and started later than I wanted to. Then I had to start taking some pills for my headache and then I made a very bad decision, I decided to take a slow ride, one that is very curvy and hilly. I have had many doubts during the week and I take that decision, the ride became a nightmare. It was hot, I ran out of liquid and I had to stop to put some extra water. Everything was annoying me, my mind had plenty of thoughts and I just could not turn them into positive ones. After more than four hours and a half I transitioned to run. Luckily I did not lose much time that other runs. My stomach did not give me problems and even though I was still not good I made it through. I was even hungry after the session which this week it has been abnormal; I did not finish my food, though.
On Sunday I was feeling like shit. I had to take some pills again and when I started to swim they hadn’t even kicked in and all I wanted was to quit because I was not feeling good. In the end I finished the session and I stretched it a little bit to and instead of time based and went distance based. Then I went to run and my legs were slow, it felt like the turnover was low and in fact I did not reach the normal distance, on my way back I felt a little better but not good by far.
All these physical problems, my sense of lack of support and some talks that I have had with mates made me feel with a low self esteem. Doubts increased, will I be able not to complete the distance in the desired time, and the problem is that I have started to have doubts about completing the distance at all. I am questioning my training regimen; I am questioning everything that surrounds me.
Also during these hard moments I felt like I needed someone next to me. She came to my mind but that is impossible. Also I have tried to meet new people and it does not work either. I am losing interest on everything, I don’t even know what like means anymore and I don’t even know what I like anymore. I know it would be impossible to have one, so why do I want one now?
I have a hard time getting excited to do things, because I am not sure they will like me but how can I like something when I don’t know what “like” is anymore.
Also I am feeling that I have an age already and I have not accomplished much. I am trying hard now, but it takes time and this is what I am running low of.
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