7th week of the 2011 season

153

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone.

I have just missed my first race of the year and all because of the injury, I wasn’t going to be in a good shape but I had some hopes on it and I wanted to enjoy the competition.

There has been another week without any yoga. I need to rejoin that. Sometimes I feel weak and yoga will help to strengthen my body.

I had scheduled a ride for Tuesday and it was a pretty neat one.

Wednesday was one of those days that it is great to be a triathlete. I had a good swim and a good bike ride and the best of it is that I had been to the physiotherapist. I could barely walk because of the massage but I was able to ride and swim without any problem.

Thursday was an easy day after the big Wednesday. Just a long swim, the pool was great there were not too many people, easy to swim and peaceful, why can’t it be holidays all the time? People don’t go to the pool on holidays and I get to enjoy it every second of it.

On Friday I had another double session, swimming and riding. Just to warm up for what was coming over the next day.

Saturday was a fearful one. It took me very long to be ready for the session. It was Christmas and we had guests at home so I couldn’t be late. I had a very very long ride on the trainer so I had decided to wake up early and start training. I slept through. I woke up too late, I rushed to the bike and even though I knew I did not have as much time as I wanted to I would have a good workout. Sessions on the trainer are longer than what they appear. I was one hour into the session and I destroyed the tire. I smelled some burning rubber but I did not know what it was until I heard the pop. I decided to change the tire, what a bad decision I was not able to get rid of the grease from the chain for two days, but I decided to clean the bike because it looked very dirty. Since it was late I did not jump on the bike again. I was quite pissed. But now I have found out a tire specifically for indoor trainers and I’ll probably get it soon.

Sunday was even worse. Since I was not able to ride the day before I decided that I would do my long ride after the family lunch at a restaurant. But I just couldn’t predict what happened. I wanted to swim in the morning but the swimming pool was closed, I knew that, so I wanted to swim in Sant Feliu’s bay because it is peaceful and not long from the shore at any time. Well my mom did not like the idea and I knew it would really upset her and I did not go. According to some websites the swell should not be strong, there would be some wind but I don’t think it would be a big problem in the bay. After the lunch I went to see the sea. I knew it was a different time of the day but the water was extremely quite. And then it was just a little too late to ride my bike, I was lazy and I decided to stay home and do some work.

It’s not that I have lost neither my goals nor my faith or priorities but it is really boring what is going on with my life. I still think I can meet my goals, sooner or later. I hope it will be sooner but I am in a low plateau.

For instance this week was supposed to be a hard week, a long one, one of those that don’t seem to ever end. I was supposed to be building my endurance and it turned out that I barely did any quality training.

I had sights on Ironcat and I have just realized that I will not be ready to race. Who knows when I’ll be ready for my next race.

I went to a physiotherapist and he offered me a very expensive treatment for my heel, it is supposed to kill the pain but it is not going to cure me. I am really tired of all the doctors and physicians and the like. They only care about their money and they don’t care for the patient’s pain. I am wearing insoles because it was supposed to cure me, nothing has changed. Now this physiotherapist wants me to do this plasma treatment, which according to two other doctors it is not going to fix me. It will make the pain go away for awhile but it might come back. Now I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for the upcoming year because now he is on vacation. We’ll see. Today I have a lot of pain.

It hasn’t been my best Christmas. I did enjoy having many people at home but my mood is not the best although it is ok if they come, it is harder for me to leave the house, and definitely the problem is not the weather.

It was also great to be able to talk to some friends on Christmas, although this year was very tough. At first I did not want to talk to them but I pushed myself to do so and it was very good. They have always been there for me and I hope I have been where I had to be too. Before the calls I sent a last minute Merry Christmas text to my friends. I am usually the last to wish them Merry Christmas it is fun for me but I wonder what would happen if I stop doing it. Would they send me a text? Some of them have replied to my some others haven’t, it makes me sad.

Ney Year’s Eve is around the corner and I fear it. I don’t know if I am ready for that. My routine and my heel have been a great excuse to not go out and not meet other people. The real truth is that I am ashamed of myself and I don’t want to expose myself. I don’t feel great and I don’t like to be seen like that neither to be asked how I am doing.

I am not feeling too good either because actually this week I started to miss her. We have been talking a lot lately but it is only chatting over the internet and I wonder if she would’ve liked to meet me. Well I have been rejected for the second time. So I am sorry girl but I will not move a finger for you again. It is going to be up to you to show up in case that you are interested in me. I will not be waiting you forever and if you don’t want to meet me it is not fine with me but I’ll deal with it. I would like to see you to know how I feel. I like what I know so far.

I have pretty much finished Uni, they either kick me out or they graduate me. And it looks like it is going to be the first option. I am scared to break the news. I don’t want to live in my house anymore it will be a disaster. I am ashamed of myself. The worst part is that there is no plan B and I don’t even know what I’ll do whether it goes right or wrong. It used to be in my hands but it ain’t anymore. I have to wait to know how I have to plan my future.

I have worked a lot this last weeks but I blew it at the beginning of the trimester. I expected to be more prepared and I thought I was but I did not do as well as I thought.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V85CsmmD54

6th week of the 2011 season

153

I have not had a worse week in a very long time. I felt like a piece of crap. And I have the feeling that I had just thrown my life through the window.

I had not even planned this week, I had to many things to do and I was not going to have time, it was supposed to be the second week of the season where I would shift a notch but because I was too busy I could not do it, instead it looks like I lost my time. It feels like it did not make a difference that I stopped training. Well, why would I train for? I suck anyway. It’s not that I am going to get any better.

Friday was the first day of the week that I trained. I went for a swim and it did not feel bad at all. I trained a little bit of endurance. It was not a very long session but long enough to start moving.

Saturday was an awful day. I was supposed to train in the morning because I was busy in the afternoon, and according to the original plan, not the modified one, I was supposed to ride for 4h. Well I barely rode for 2h20mins on the trainer. I ended up waiting until Barça’s game at 8pm. The session was called The TV Special. You have to spin at 95 rpm for the entire time and when there are commercials on TV you alternate legs every 30 seconds. I decided that since I was listening to the radio and watching the game and I would change it to the match the radio commercials instead of the TV ones. Well it was not much better either. I had not ridden for so long that my ass is slightly sore.

On Sunday I went to the swimming pool. What a difficult session. It felt very demanding. I could barely keep up with the program. I think I have never felt so out of breath in the swimming pool like yesterday. Surprisingly my shoulder felt good, but now it is not.

My heel tendinitis has not moved from where it was. There are times when it feels better or painless like yesterday and there are other times like right now that it is giving me a hard time. I am really tired of this. It makes me sad, angry, anxious …

I tried to eat healthier, it was impossible. I tried for the past weeks to eat a little less protein, living at home and having to eat like the rest is impossible. Being busy as I was, spending heaps of time sitting in front of the computer and having high amounts of anxiety and being nervous does not help.

I feel fat; I took my underwater test and I failed I started to float; I went on the scale and I am 3kg heavier. I feel out of shape, and what is worse I feel retarded. This last week could have been a great week instead it might be the beginning of the end. I blew my opportunity to be a little happier and I’ll probably drown in to misery.

I haven’t seen the light at the end of this tunnel and I still can’t see it.

Because I was very busy this week I was glad of my sleeping disorder, I was not able to sleep and it actually helped so I could work more hours a day. Well it looks like in hasn’t been enough.

I have had to think about Christmas, presents, secret Santa, New Year’s Eve; I have no desire to celebrate this year. I don’t think I deserve anything; I don’t want to go out and don’t want to see anybody.

Also I am broke because some people owe me money and they are not willing to even show up. I am disappointed that at some point I considered them my friends. What kind of friends are them? When we had seen this in another two guys he told me that it would never happen between us, well it’s true, I am trying to get hold of you and you just seem to slip away.

It still hurts to think of her. There are names that I can’t see them printed because of the memories they bring to my mind. I don’t know what kind of spell she used on me but it worked. How can she throw me another spell to revoke the last one? For the past two weeks or so I thought I was not thinking as much of her but when I see her name printed some where it just kills me again.

I have also been speaking to a friend who does not mind to talk to me but it is hard that we meet. We have been chatting for a lot of time but I don’t see any future together but it would be nice to be able to hang out together some time. I would like to know my reaction if we meet, because I can be shy and it is easy to chat, it ain’t easy to face it. I would like to know how strong is our friendship or if it is only an online friendship.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AwPds6U-fU

5th week of the 2011 season

153

Training? What is this? Is this a new Word for me? Well this is how I felt this week. I have not moved at all. I hope it will be good to take a step back and to be able to move forward.

It was supposed to be the first week of my base 1 phase but I had too many things to do this week that I just could not do them all and I had to prioritize.

I did a double session on Tuesday, swim and bike. Long swim and not so long ride. Overall I was ok.

Then I did not rejoin training until Friday when I has scheduled another very easy double session just to get ready for the weekend but I was too tired because the night before was up all night long and I could only swim. Although I thought I would do a short swim and then I felt good in the water and decided not to do the bike ride and just stay a little longer in the water.

On Saturday I was very busy and lazy, I had scheduled the longest ride of the week and because I was so tired and busy I decided to shift it to Sunday morning, so on Saturday I did not do anything either.

On Sunday I woke up at 5am just to get ready to go to the bike, but once again I was busy, I started to work and I decided to keep working that going to the bike. At 11am I had a solidarity swim to raise money for La Marató de TV3, 3100m swim from L’Estartit to les illes Medes and back. I was late, so I started in the back of the pack. The water felt very cold but I thought it was just because I did not have time to adapt to it. I started to feel good and fast, I was passing many people, the water was still very cold, there were no waves, and it was a sunny day with no wind, what else could we ask for? There were about 150 swimmers. I am very happy of this swim because I had set a goal that I wanted to cover that distance in under 1h and well I did! Even though I swam more than I had to because the turnaround buoy was not a buoy was a rock and I could not differentiate from the background and then my goggles got foggy and I just could not see the course well. A kayak had to come and remind me to move to the left because I was too wide. I remember thinking, good I’ll just have to turn right and I’ll get into the harbor, pool like conditions except for the temperature, and it is going to be even quieter if it is possible and it is going to get warmer. Hell no!!! It got colder, so at the start point and at the end the water was 12ºC and out in the swim the water felt much hotter and it was only one degree warmer. Overall I had heaps of fun and I finished the swim in under 58minuts, so mission accomplished.

This week I just happened to watch a 3D animation of a conversation between an Ironman wannabe and a non-athlete. I liked it a lot and it remembered me how many times I had such talk. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B03dFMG8nR4

This year’s La Marató de TV3 raises money to support research for brain injury and spinal cord injuries.

My heel is not cured yet, sometimes it hurts more than other times and I just want to get over it. It is killing me.

A friend of my talked to me about leaving to a different country and I is an idea that I am strongly consider. It sounds fun if I am allowed to.

PS: I wanted to post only songs with lyrics on the video, and so far I had only posted songs either in English or Spanish, but since I swam for La Marató I’ll break this rule. Ever since I listened this song I loved it and yesterday it was in my mind during the first strokes of the swim, then I just focused to meet my goal.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWX59KJX0Uc

4th week of the 2011 season

153

I started the week with a yoga session just to gain some strength and to hit it off. The yoga I haven’t noticed much improvement but I have just started doing them. I am not trying to master it, or to enjoy, I just want to get some strength and flexibility out of them.

On Tuesday I had to start with some cycling in the morning because I would not have time to do everything that was scheduled. Then I went to the swimming pool. I was a little nervous when I was swimming because I had a meeting afterwards and I was in a time constraint.

On Wednesday, I took a fairly long ride. I don’t know why my left leg hasn’t been feeling great lately. If I don’t warm up well enough and I try to stand up a have a little bit of discomfort but once I have it going everything is ok.

Normally on Thursdays I get to swim in an Olympic sized pool, I like it and they also allow me t use all the gadgets that I want. Once again, as on the bike, my shoulder needs to get a good warm up.

I also got to talk to someone who relieved few of my problems but now I have to make it up.

Then Friday came along, it used supposed to be an easy day and it was, easy swim and easy ride, just to get ready for the weekend.

On Saturday I was very lazy and I did not get on the bike until late in the evening. It was a very long ride, longest ride of the prep phase. It felt very easy at the beginning but as the session moved along it got harder and harder. At the end I felt quite tired of riding. I had a little chat while I was on it, I answered the phone, and I had drinks. What else can I ask for? This is the beauty of indoor training.

On Sunday I had a swimming test. I am quite happy that I hold it pretty well the whole time, although I thought I would be faster. I dropped 4 seconds from the previous test but I need to improve a lot more.

Have my sleeping disorders disappeared? Not yet. I am still having trouble with my sleep. I can’t sleep well, I can take a nap but it doesn’t matter whether I take a nap or not sometimes I can sleep at night and some other times I can’t.

This was supposed to be my last prep week but has my heel recovered? Not yet either. So I might not be able to start the Base 1 phase or I’ll have to split it into the different sports. I haven’t decided yet.

I went to the doctor and she told me to get some ultrasound sessions, and to take the meds again. I have asked another doctor and it seems like the insoles are a good idea, I am wearing them and even though they have been refitted twice to me I am still not feeling good. Although there are moments were my foot seems to be ok, there are others where it doesn’t.

On Tuesday’s meeting I had to listen to so many lies that my ears could not handle it. Who I thought to be a friend turned out to be a scam. I can’t believe I thought we could get along well. I sent you an email and I got nothing and it just makes me think that I was right.

On the other hand I have been trying to reach and old friend of mine and he seems to be out of the blue. Why don’t you pick up the phone?

I have realized that I have no life at this moment and it looks like I am not going to have one anytime soon. I don’t have a job, it looks like it is going to be hard to get one and I probably don’t even want one.

I can’t look to the future without her. She is still very present in my life. I have this crazy idea of us some day. I know she just lives in my mind. She is not real. It has been too long but I still would like give it a chance.

Many women have stopped talking to me and I feel guilty. I would like to give them a chance. I don’t know if they had ever felt anything for me and I am not sure that what I felt was real, but I keep thinking on them. Every once in a while I have a memory of us together in my head and it makes me sad to think that I’ll never talk to her again and I won’t have a chance to know if I still have feelings for her. And what would happen if I had feelings at that moment and I feel I have to tell her?

Lately I have been talking to someone a lot but even though we spend a lot of time together at this moment I don’t want anything else than friendship with her. I am happy to keep it like that so far.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8zoN7w2nVw

3rd week of the 2011 season

153

I have made a lot of changes to the weekly planning this week. Sometimes it was because I was dragged into a very nice conversation, some other times because I did not know how to get to the pool. In the end, all the training was done without over training or anything like it.

I started the week slowly, I was supposed to do some yoga on Monday but I moved it to Tuesday. So on Tuesday I rode my bike and I did the yoga session. I changed my yoga to be more strength focused. I did not know that it could be so demanding. I use no weights, only body weight, gravity, difficult positions and long breathe. Am I enjoying it? Not really but I know it helps and hopefully my muscles will not be as tight.

Easy swim on Wednesday, I keep alternating during this time of the season among just plain endurance based sessions and speed and form based sessions. I need to work on my swimming technique, I want to stop looking like a dog, but I also would like to pick up some speed and some endurance. Therefore I did a short form based session.

Thursday is a good day to swim because I go to Barcelona and I go to the Olympic size swimming pool. Once again I worked on form. I felt like my shoulders were slightly tired but once they were warm enough everything was good. Although I had intended to use the paddles but I thought it would be too much risk and I did not want to take the chance, with my heel problems I have enough injuries to worry about. Then when I came back home, late in the evening I took a short ride.

Similar to swimming this period is time to work on endurance and speed skills, so I decided to have a speed session on Friday. Not too long but a good session.

On Saturday, I went to the pool, I went too late; I was supposed to meet someone afterwards but I guess he miss lead me, anyway. I took the swim and I since I had a little bit of time left I worked on my flip turn. I do my flip turn but it sucks so I try to go to the basics and improve that aspect of my swimming pool skills. It is not a very important aspect for a triathlete, since we do not usually compete in a swimming pool, although it is something good to learn because we do mostly train in a swimming pool.

And finally I took a double session on Sunday, swimming in the morning riding in the afternoon. During the swimming, I decided to do some medley during the warm up but they were only 25m for each stroke. I was quite happy with my performance. Then I because I did not want to worry too much about the elections and I wanted to know the results when they had started to stabilize; I waited for my last session until late in the evening so I would focus on the bike and I would not be thinking about the elections or the Masters Cup Final. It was fairly easy at the beginning but the last ten minutes were quite demanding.

My sleeping disorders have not disappeared, they are milder than the week before but they have not disappeared and that worries me. Am I in a loop where I worry because I cannot sleep and therefore I cannot sleep because I am worried?

Last Friday I went through a meltdown. My heel is not cured yet and it was hurting, I barely take meds now. My insoles hurt me and I was realizing how old I am and how little I have accomplished. I also blew a job interview and I am not capable to keep up with my social duties. There are friends, who I have not contacted since I got back, not even a word, not even and email or a messenger line, nothing.

That same day I started to question everything. I questioned what I am doing with my life, I questioned what I want to do, I questioned my knowledge, I questioned why I do triathlons, I questioned my English skills. The only things that I had no doubt about them were my cowardliness or my ability to destroy relationships.

This week I was a total mess. I wanted to throw everything out of the window and leave. I was tired of everything.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Y-bd3aDMGA