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This week has been a roller coaster. It started with a very low mood and it when higher but not high.
The training week started on Tuesday with very low self esteem. I started with a bike ride, not very long but a good one.
On Wednesday I did a brick workout. The run was pretty good it is the first time I that I am under 33mins in that course for a long time. I am still five minutes behind of my personal record. But this is not the time of the year to be fast, I just need to build some endurance.
On Thursday and Friday I did not work out because I was not feeling too god.
On Saturday I went for a run and a bike ride. It was not a brick workout and it was not in the proper order.
On Sunday I pretty much did the same as Saturday but the run was slightly shorter and the ride was twice longer. Also in this run I decided to start carrying out some technique work such as knees up, heels to buttocks, sideways steps, crossover steps, backwards running, jumps, one foot, long steps, and running on heels. Also I have to be careful running in successive days because of the shins, yesterday I felt a little bit of pain so I will have to space them up a little bit.
On Monday I took my 6th chance and in my opinion I blew it. I could not even talk during the event. I was extremely nervous. I could not articulate a word and I could not even think. Those were some very scary moments.
On Wednesday they broke the news to me and despite everything I have ever thought I did not break into full happiness. It is like I did not care. It feels like I closed a chapter of my life but it does not feel like I have accomplished anything. In fact I did not tell my family the news until one day and a half later and they were happier than I. My mom has told the news to more people than I have done and I do not like when they have congratulated me for that.
I had always thought that when this moment would come I would buy a very expensive champagne bottle and pop it. The truth is that they called me when I was reading and when I hanged up I went back to my book with no emotions.
I am not even happy that now I can sign up for another Ironman, since I said to myself that I would not compete until that was over. I have been thinking about the brand new Ironman Wales in September 11th.
At the same time some other projects have been put on standby. The 2xSupersprint triathlon will have to wait.
This last week I decided not to talk to anyone over the internet; neither leaving comments nor being online. I just wanted to be absent for a little time.
Also I did not take part of this enjoyment when my family decided to celebrate my feat. I had asked them not to do. So when they did I left. Best option, maybe not, but I do not feel like I have something to celebrate.
I am still looking for a job and it would be nice to find one soon, I need money, and the people who have robbed me and the people who I had lent money to are not willing to pay me. They gave me some lame excuses that make no sense. I hope they pay me soon so I do not have to deal with them ever again. The worst part of this is that at some point I had considered them friends and this is how they pay me back, either stealing from me or abusing of me and waiting over three and a half years to pay me back.
Also this week I did not spend much time thinking on anyone but me. I start to realize I will die alone so I better get used to it and stop thinking about what could have been and who I would like to be. I must be realistic; it is never going to happen again.
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